Reader Recipe: Brian’s Miracle Guacamole

Introducing my very first Reader Recipe! *\o/*  I’m so excited! [Can you tell?]

My good friend Brian from Brian’s Portal has graciously agreed to share is famous guacamole recipe – lucky us!!

Anyway, without further ado, here’s the recipe, in his own words!

BRIAN’S MIRACLE GUACAMOLE
[it’s a miracle if there’s any left for your guests after you are done taste-testing it]

Brian's GuacIngredients:
● 6 avocados, pitted and skinned alive.
● 1 large tomato, gutted mercilessly (seeds and pulp removed) and hacked into itty bitty pieces for easy burial.
● The lifeless body of your favorite serrano chile pepper, chopped up with a hatchet or other large-bladed instrument.
● 1 clove of fresh garlic, not that powdery stuff from the condiments section. Mince it real good.
● Juice of half a lemon. Squeeze it until it’s skin turns yellow.
● Juice from a lime. Squeeze it until it’s skin turns green.
● Extra virgin olive oil. What would somewhat virgin olive oil be, I wonder?
● Salt. It’s good for preserving things……like bodies. Also good for repelling ghosts.
● ½ teaspoon Cajun seasoning. Go ahead, get this one from your favorite spice rack at the grocery store.
● ½ teaspoon cayenne pepper. This stuff is lethal, so take it easy, ok?
● (OPTIONAL) Half of a golden onion, diced. If onions give you nightmares and make you cry, try substituting onion salt instead. ½ a teaspoon should do the trick.

Directions:

  1. Place the pitted, skinned avocados in a large bowl and add some extra virgin olive oil to help you soften and mash them.
  2. Once you have mashed your avocado to a pulp, add the diced, gutted tomato, chopped Serrano chile pepper and diced garlic. I always add more garlic….for protection.
  3. If you are adding onion, this is the time you would mix it in. Onion salt is just easier.
  4. You want to go easy with the lemon juice. If you add too much, put a dash or two of salt in there to balance it back out.
  5. The lime juice I find is what really brings out the great guacamole flavor. By now you have already had at least 2 or 3 samples. Admit it! You know I’m right.
  6. If you haven’t already done so, add some salt. It just doesn’t taste right without some salt. Trust me…..or your dietician. It’s up to you.
  7. Add Cajun seasoning and cayenne pepper to taste, which I know for me would be taste test number 28 by now.
    [Hey, I warned you not to half the recipe.]
  8. Mix all these in really well. Add a little more salt or lime if it needs it. I recommend letting it sit in the refrigerator for an hour or so, if you can manage to wait that long.
  9. Serve with tortilla chips.  Or just cut to the chase and use a spoon.

Notes:

  • Recipe can be halved, but really, what kind of person only uses only half of a tomato? It’s just insulting.
  • Using a spoon is the most effective way of scooping the avocado out of it’s skin. If you are finding this process hard, that means that your avocados should have been left to sit for another day or two, you impatient person. Picking avocados that are nice and solid, and then letting them sit for 3 days is what I have found works best for me.

Homemade Cinnamon Applesauce

Yesterday marks my first attempt at making homemade applesauce,* and it went WAY easier than I anticipated.  I didn’t even (really) use a recipe!

Ingredients:

*Apples
*Cinnamon

That’s it.

Directions:

  1. Core the apples.
  2. Peel the apples.
  3. Quarter the apples.
  4. Eat random bits here and there.
  5. Dump all the apple pieces into a large heavy pot.
  6. Put two fingers of water in the bottom.
  7. Cover and boil for 15-20 minutes.
  8. Stir them up, when they fall completely apart they’re ready.
  9. Add some cinnamon and stir again.
    [Secret last step:  add a little sugar if the sauce is too bland.]
  10. EAT IT!!  Or can it.  Or freeze it.  Or give it away as gifts.

That’s it.

So easy right?  Right.  And here I thought I could never be *that* domestic!  The best part is that my kids knew what it was even before it was done, and they were positively clamoring to get their hands on it.  I kept having to say, “It’s too hot to eat, we have to wait for it to cool down.  It’s too hot…”  Boy were they happy when I finally let them at it!

What fall projects/recipes/traditions do you do with your family?  Especially ones involving cinnamon?  I’m foreseeing hot cider and pie experiments in my near future… MmMmMmMm.  ❤ Fall. ❤

*Note: It was also my first go at food photography… didn’t go half bad if I say so myself!  And I do.

Cafe Rio Sweet Pork

Image credit: crock-pot.com

This is far and away my favorite pulled-pork recipe.  Despite the fact that it has more than one step, it’s still dead easy, and yum-alicious every time.  Even the slow-cooking novice can nail this on the first try.

In the name of full disclosure, I kaifed this recipe from my friend’s blog and made some simplifications to it (seriously, I couldn’t be bothered to measure out half-cans of cola [eyeroll] ) but you can find the original (and supremely yummy) recipe here.

Also: be sure NOT to use diet cola.  No diet allowed.

Ingredients Total time required: 6 1/2 hours Serves: 4-5 adults
2 lbs pork roast For the marinade: For the sauce:
2 cans cola 1 can cola 1 can sliced green chilies, mild spiciness
1 tsp garlic salt 1/4 c light brown sugar 1 can enchilada sauce, med spiciness
1 c light brown sugar

Directions

  1. Ziptop bag >> pork roast.  can of cola.  brown sugar.
    Burp the bag (squeeze all the air out) and massage until sugar is dissolved.  Marinate in the refrigerator at least 3 hours and up to overnight.
  2. Drain the marinade.
    Slow cooker >> pork.  two (new) cans cola.   garlic salt.
    Cook until just barely cooked through and shreds easily, but isn’t too dry.  With my slow-cooker, that’s 3 hours on med-low.*
  3. Shred the pork.*  Toss the cooking liquid.
  4. Blender >> chilies.  enchilada sauce.  1 cup brown sugar.  Puree until smooth.*
  5. Slow cooker >> meat.  sauce.  Stir.
    Cook on low for 2 more hours.
    Serve over rice, in sandwiches, or just eat it straight.

This recipe freezes really well, is great at any temperature, makes every palate happy (haven’t met anyone who doesn’t like it, including kids) and is dairy-free, gluten-free, nut-free, egg-free, corn-free, melon-free, low-fat, and low-sodium, but not low-sugar.  Not sure about the calories, but it’s pork so there’s only so bad it can be.  Oh, and it’s not kosher.  Sorry.  Oh well…

Enjoy!

Notes:

    • Admittedly, I skip the first step and just jump to this step, and don’t bother defrosting the meat before starting it cooking.  Just make sure the meat is cooked through before going to the next step.  If it’s not frozen when you start, you might need to adjust the cooking time.
    • How to know if your pork is under cooked, over-cooked or just right:
      • Overcooked = it’s really really hard to shred the pork.
        Just right = it’s easy to shred the pork, and it’s soft and moist and lovely.
        Undercooked = It’s still bright pink, the juices don’t run clear, and/or it’s still one solid, un-shred-able mass.
  • If the sauce looks too thick after pureeing it, add cola or water, little by little,  until it reaches your desired consistency.